Return

Today, the question came: What one part of your soul do you most wish to see returned to God? The part you most want to see as it was meant to be?

Discipline. A follow-through-ness. An ability to push through pain/discomfort to reach a goal. Discipline.

And so, I reach for "the rock that is higher than I."

Morning: Psalms 50, 61, 3
Ecclesiastes 2
Romans 7:14-26 (I tacked on 15-26)
Isaiah 58 (so good)
Matthew 6:1-18

Evening: Psalms 15, 92, 69
Jeremiah 17:5-14
Daniel 9:3-10
I Corinthians 10:1-13
Luke 5:33--6:10

Fullness

This morning, Luke and I sorted through a closet shelf full of miscellaneous items I've been throwing there since his birth. I'm amazed by how soon we can reminisce. He's just two and a half, but he almost seemed to remember the favorite infant toy I pull from a box. Tiny hats, socks, and memories from showers fascinated him--but he seems more interested in the story behind it: "Mommy, what's this?" "Who gave this to me?" "What's this for?"

But the weather today feels like a March afternoon and we left his room in its disastrous state in favor of a walk. In fact, we stayed outside until oneish--he played in the mud with his dump trucks and a shovel and I sat in the sun and read about bread-baking. The house...well, the house is in various states of disarray. But my experiment today--of throwing my agenda to the side and listening to God? I think it's working.

Here's the thing--yesterday, in church, we talked about calling. Our pastor said that we're called to impact others' lives through Christ "for the common good." And truly his words hit the exact spot I've been bearing down on for several months now: Where exactly am I supposed to throw my impact? Logic isn't exactly my forte, however, it seems that wherever my impact is going to be, I'm going to have to be there too. In other words, my impact is going to occur wherever I am; whatever I do has some impact. We all know from direct experience that our impact can be negative; this is sin. But when our life is rooted in Christ's--this is when our impact directly adds to "the common good."

There's so much to say about this, and it's a train of thought I don't want to jump from. I know these things about myself: Right now, I'm called to be a wife and a mother...in my world, this means I want to build my home with grace, skill, and love. I keenly feel a call to use words to connect others to Christ--in varied forms and settings. And that's it. I'm not called to be skinny or a published writer--even though I judge myself by whether I've accomplished those things or not. (And I haven't.) But "size 6" and "Randomhouse" have nothing to do with my calling.

I sat and thought about Psalm 25 for a long time this morning...

"Show me your ways, Lord,
teach me your paths.
Guide me in your truth and teach me,
for you are God my Savior,
and my hope is in you all day long."
(vs. 4-5)

Psalm 25/9, 15 [morning/evening]
Genesis 8:6-22
Hebrews 4:14--5:6
John 2:23--3:15

Psalm 103/148 [morning/evening]
Isaiah 62:1-5, 10-12
Matthew 1:18-25
Revelations 19:11-16


Happy New Year! I've already broken 2 of my nearly 100 (I haven't counted, but it feels that high) new year's resolutions. But there's one I'm holding onto with some ferocity: Pay attention to the moment.

As I read through this morning's readings (to be quite honest, I rarely read the evening Psalm, which could actually be a great way to wrap up the day), I struggled to find a common theme. Or to again be honest, the house distracted me. That post-holiday disaster I find myself managing each year stared me down. Vaguely, as I read through Psalm 103, Isaiah, and Revelations (I have no idea why the New Year's Day reading included an account of the angel announcing the news of Mary's pregnancy to Joseph), I caught a theme of God's pleasure even in the ordinary and flawed. Isaiah describes his redemption of Jerusalem like a wedding, "the desirable place," or "the city no longer forsaken."

Maybe this does connect to Joseph; here's a man who had plans. "Normal" plans even. But God used a situation normally viewed by society as awkward and taboo to bring redemption to the earth. Maybe we sometimes altering our view of the mess gives us better vision.