Faith, part 2

When I read my Bible, I really just want to find validation. Not truth. I don't really want to be wrong. Or misguided. Some part of me still thinks my own view of life is okay--at least, it will do..as long as I can have my way. Because, if I'm wrong, if my way crumbles--or isn't at all what I thought it would be--then, my only response can be to trust something I can't see, throw my way to the wind, and live without restraint. My way is just so comfortably (and deceptively) secure.



Psalm 9
Mark 9:14-29
Proverbs 14:26-27
Romans 5:1-11

Mediocre

God knew what He was getting Himself into with me. And he loved me before I was aware of how off the mark I was...am...will be. Because He was...is...and will be.

Psalm 9
Proverbs 14:26-27
Mark 9:14-29
Romans 5:1-11

Save and Deliver

As I write this, I pause occasionally for quick hugs from my son. He's watching a favorite TV show, drinking some milk, but mainly standing behind me with his hand down the back of my shirt (it's his "security blanket"...he does it to anyone he loves...). Such a peaceful, slow morning. I'm enjoying this moment. And moments have been much more important to me lately.... There's that moment before I make a decision when I can stop and consider my decision. There are fleeting seconds of intense beauty that take my breath away--mujsically, artistically, or naturally. Moments of beautiful love from my family--when I question the ability of my heart to contain it all. And I wonder if this is one of the things that differentiate children from adults. Luke has no idea what's coming his way today--good or bad. He's satisfied right now and not attempting to plan each minute of his day. Just enjoying this one.

I've never before picked up on the moment in Matthew's account of Jesus clearing the temple where the children began to sing for Him. And Jesus acknowledges their praise. Though His response is simple, there's something profound about the interaction--He's not surprised. Caught up in the moment--the exciting, dramatic, miracle-marked moment--the children did what they were created to do. Without hesitation.

Psalm 7
Proverbs 3:1-12
Matthew 21:12-22
Romans 4

Faith

Lately, I've worried too much about transmissions and hives. I scrambled from one partially completed project to another. I entered conversations dazed and left them trying to remember what was said. And I forgot what I read this morning: God keeps my way secure. How do I trust his security and stop trying to create my own?


Psalm 5
2 Samuel 22:21-51
Matthew 9:18-26
Romans 1:8-17

And so...I have abandoned The Book of Common Prayer for now. Instead, I'm trying to read through topics. This is my rewrite of the pattern...

A Change

So, it's been quite some time since my last blog. Life hasn't been any busier than usual; there's no "usual" excuse. Really, it comes down to this: I'm not enjoying my long-desired 1928 version of The Book of Common Prayer. It's confusing (sometimes it appears as if I'm just supposed to read one verse, and many times that one verse, out of context, doesn't make any sense), it's demanding (morning and evening readings), and it doesn't seem to be following any coherent path. And here's the thing, this preparation for Lent has been tough for me. I feel as if I'm running smack dab into a wall that has been far off in the distance for some time now. Meaning, I know God has been asking me to slow down and relinquish control for some time now. And that call has hit my readings too--focus on one thing, sit in something for awhile, read through a concept instead of just reading through.

The Book of Common Prayer is great--don't get me wrong. I would recommend it to anyone that needs direction, ideas, a pattern to follow. But for now, I think I'm going to put it aside. [Add "edit blog" to list of things to do today.] Before I made the decision to blog about my readings, I considered putting together my own daily readings--making sure they tied together in some way and dived into sections of the Bible the BCP seems to shy away from. Characteristically, this may be biting off more than I can chew. But I do want to begin the process.

And so, once again, this blog is shifting focus...still "tuning this life" (because it is so very out of tune sometimes), but changing the process. More to come later...

Return

Today, the question came: What one part of your soul do you most wish to see returned to God? The part you most want to see as it was meant to be?

Discipline. A follow-through-ness. An ability to push through pain/discomfort to reach a goal. Discipline.

And so, I reach for "the rock that is higher than I."

Morning: Psalms 50, 61, 3
Ecclesiastes 2
Romans 7:14-26 (I tacked on 15-26)
Isaiah 58 (so good)
Matthew 6:1-18

Evening: Psalms 15, 92, 69
Jeremiah 17:5-14
Daniel 9:3-10
I Corinthians 10:1-13
Luke 5:33--6:10

1928

You know those long-range items on your to do list that, require time to resolve--and here, I mean months and months; they pester throughout the day--like a constant nagging--and have significant consequences--either victory or near negligence. I resolved one of those today. And despite my aversion to onomatopoeia, ...whew.

But I'm sitting here feeling quite foolish. Worry is a parasite. A joy-sucking, fear-mongering, sometimes immobilizing lie.

Psalm 78:1-39/78:40-72 [morning/evening]
Genesis 26:1-33
Hebrews 13:17-25
John 7 [I increased this myself...I'm behind.]


Programming Note: I used a birthday present (Amazon Gift Card! thank you friends!) and purchased a 1928 version of The Book of Common Prayer. I had been wanting one for some time--at some point, I read something in one of Madeleine L'Engle's books about only using this early 20th century version. I'm still looking for the passage which made me think so, but there are quite a few changes! The most obvious being that the readings are equally distributed between morning and evening. At any rate, I plan to switch on Ash Wednesday--the beginning of Lent.