Fullness, part 2

So yes, fullness. Part 2. The idyllic Monday I rambled on about in part 1? ....has swerved slightly to the south. Luke has a fever; early in the evening, he commenced with that depressingly lovely clinginess that marks the beginning of illness. And now, he's coughing miserably in his bed.

Admittedly, I'm not quite as perky and full of insight about my calling. I'm wondering about the night ahead. Planning for at least five scenarios which could unfold tomorrow. Questioning whether or not I should call the doctor. Feeling a bit guilty over a tiny selfish part of me that just wants things to be normal. And so I leaned over to my husband and said, "Just tell me everything will be ok."

He said, "You know it will be ok. It might be hard. But it will be ok."

That turned it into a challenge. "It might be hard." The next few days might bring more stress than I had planned for. But again, it's not about my agenda, my list of to-do's, my plan to conquer. And to be quite frank, this "challenge" [and it's beginning to feel less of one...] is at the center of my calling to mother Luke; productivity isn't.

God knows my heart. He knows and, I believe, understands the gamut of my thoughts--from the selfish to the misguided to the earnest. Somehow, that knowledge prods me [right now] to throw myself into the highs and lows of my calling. I can let Him sort through motives, desires, and reactions. "All my longings lie open before you, Lord; my sighing is not hidden from you. " Psalm 38:9


Psalm 38/Psalm 119:25-48 [morning/evening]
Genesis 9:18-29
Hebrews 6:1-12
John 3:22-36